Blight Reporter

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About Blight Reporter

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    Ultimate Member
  • Birthday 03/01/73

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  • Gender Male
  • Location Earth - sometimes
  • Interests Keepin' it real! Playin' haters and supplying all with truth and justice. You're Welcome!

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Blight Reporter's Activity

  1. Blight Reporter added a topic in Local Events   

    All you can eat at McD's tonight
    This weekend:
    McD's is having an "All you can eat" gala event. Rhonda and Dakota will be there tonight for dinner. Please have $25.00 cash-ready at the door.
    The line starts promptly at 7:30pm each night.
    Last year raised over $750.00. It was amazing time. By the end of the night all was exhausted.
    Hope to see everyone there.
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  2. Blight Reporter added a post in a topic Shooting on Chalmers   

    Last evening at 11:06pm would have been May 31st.
    That's what that guy gets when he poses as an aficionado of herbs and delivers Rosemary "out of season".
    Anywho, after interviewing him at the hospital he told me that that was his last day on the job as he was going to retire and kick-back in his 5.0. Mr. Johnson also stated that he was taking advantage of his indoor victory garden that he and some of his closest friends built and tended to together.
    In other news, Flight Recorder was found curled up in his bed licking his feather pillow chanting over and over again, "If only I could pet the pretty boys." 
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  3. Blight Reporter added a post in a topic Blighty's Daily Post of Thoughts   

    I just got off the boat at the pay lake behind McD's Pub. What a view!
    I noticed something out of the corner of my eye after pulling the inboard motor off my canoe. Paula and Crow were hanging out under an umbrella relaxing. They were a very large Long Island Iced Tea. It even had one of those paper umbrellas in it! I had no idea McD's had such a thing.
    Once I had placed my motor in the back of my 1973 Gremlin hatchback I walked over to the ladies. Well, it really wasn't a walk - more like my everyday strut that turns the ladies into mush. They had it coming. totally dissed I was by the ladies that they chose their Belair cigarettes and Mott the Hoople Pandora Station over me I wandered into the Pub for a cold Hamns.
    They have COMPLETELY renovated the place. Now, I hadn't been there in several weeks, but the work they did was pretty amazing! No more bubble gum under the tables. No more elbow stains on the edge of the bar. They added a brass leg bar across the bottom of the bar. The bartender, whom I didn't recognize until she turned and bent over to get me my cold Hamns, was more dressed up than usual.
    I said, "What in the #$%@ is going with this place!"
    She replied, "We've revamped the place to get more of the middle class Northbrook residents to start coming in."
    Just then, two hipsters came in. I couldn't believe my eyes. One of the gentleman was wearing a vintage Tupac shirt and a fitted cap that just didn't seem to fit right on his head because it was rotated and did not fit snuggly on top of his head. He must have just bought the hat because it still the sticker on the brim and the tag "of authenticity" still attached. The other gentlemen must have been a landscaper or something because he had a horticulture shirt on - it displayed some type of leaf on it. He smelled a bit weird when he walked by me. He must have just came from work. Who knows.
    They both ordered a shot of Hennessey and a Stella Artois. Very nice choices - I toast you!
    Talking to the bartender, often referred to by other regulars as "Serta", I asked, "Well, it looks like the renovation worked." Just then a noise came over the bar. It was loud poetry. The singer must have had a bad experience with the police and decided to write a poem about it. The singer must have also had multiple run-ins with his multitude of simultaneous relationships that his wife knew nothing about. The singer must like Mercedes and champagne as well. Rivoting music.
    The two gentlemen drank their drinks very quickly and headed out. t must have been because they were going to visit a loved one and stopped in to discuss business. McD's is known for people getting together during the day and talk business.
    I told Serta I had caught no fish on the lake in the morning. She didn't seem to care as she walked away pointing to the ceiling with one of her fingers. Maybe I really was number one in her book.
    The ladies came in after about 30 minutes and enjoyed another Long Island Iced Tea. OF course, Crow waits for no one. She just went behind the bar and helped herself. McD's is a crazy place like that.
    Well, my story ends on a positive note as I am glad to tell you that after leaving the bar and heading out to my car to go home a Colerain township Police officer had apparently not let those two gentlemen leave the premise. One gentlemen was face down on the hood of the cruiser and the other was laying face down on the ground. Both were probably innocent of any wrongdoing as one of them told the officer politely that (whatever was the on the hood of the police car) it didn't belong to him. As the other gentlemen laid flat on the ground an officer was helping him up and telling him that he was going back to HQ. I thought HQ went out of business nearly two decades ago. What do I know?
    When I drove away from McD's I pondered back on the years I had been a client of theirs. I became fixated on all the memories that came to the surface of my recollection. The wind coming through the windows. The sun is sharp right now as clouds roll by. I always thought that life could make people smile in ways that keep their own existence free of personal attacks, mean-spirited political debates, and religious confrontations. I turned past Joey's Bar and the last thing that ran through my head before I took a bite out of my bologna sandwich was, "I wonder if Crow and Paula are going to have sex later today after they get intoxicated with those Long Island Iced Teas." Life is Good.
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  4. Blight Reporter added a post in a topic Communication - WW Schools Strengthening Student eEucational Outcomes   

    In other news, I'm against landmines. That's about all this article is worth.
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  5. Blight Reporter added a post in a topic Bowling Alley   

    They are overhauling it for the Penny Arcade that is to arrive there in mid July. Should be a good time. The Clowncil of Greenhillian-billies gave a special variance for indoor smoking and random buffoonery. As part of the variance, the skateboard park is now allowed to serve alcohol as was proposed by Christine several years ago. Michelob Ultra and Rolling Rock are the featured taps.
    After fighting the Clowncil for nearly two weeks, Ligorio Loonie finally won the battle of being allowed to dance in an over-sized birdcage during operating hours. 
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  6. Blight Reporter added a post in a topic Bengals 2016   

    Decent post, Pele'.
    Pitchers and catchers report soon. The Deds will be in the basement again this year. They'll finish right with the Toledo Mudhens.
    No one should be surprised with the lack of foolishness by some of the Bengals players. Those guys are thugs: Burfict, Kirkpatrick, Adam Jones, & Williams.
    However, I'd like to be Burfict's PT and OT once he's done with his NFL career (which at his rate of concussion is about 2 more seasons). It will be a full time job keeping him walking and moving. Big money!
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  7. Blight Reporter added a post in a topic Light-up Greenhills Fri. Dec. 2   

    So glad to read this. From the title of the thread I thought there was a "Legalize Marijuana" Rally going on for that date. And, I'm late to see this. So, I would've missed out anyhow.
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  8. Blight Reporter added a post in a topic Grass Mowing   

    Listen here, Norwhal! The only phony on here is YOU!
    My work is done with precision matched only by the workmanship that goes into building a Greubel Forsey Invention Piece 2 Quadruple Tourbillon.
    Toilet paper is used only for the careful carrying out of the first rose from of its bedding. Once a rose is removed it cannot never be replaced.
    I don't blow snow, though. I have a big unit that removes debris from hardened surfaces. Most of the elderly have these types of surfaces during winter because they don't regularly get plowed. Therefore, the big unit has to come out to clean up. 
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  9. Blight Reporter added a post in a topic Lincoln's Address   

    413 S. 8th St., Springfield, IL 62703.
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  10. Blight Reporter added a post in a topic Grass Mowing   

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  11. Blight Reporter added a post in a topic Yea New restrooms   

    Dude! What in the heck are you talking about?
    Have you been reading Andy Capp recently or something? Are you building a restroom or something at your house?
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  12. Blight Reporter added a post in a topic Grass Mowing   

    Elephant Ear,
    My mother was instrumental in teaching me the technique after my father had left us to fend for ourselves. My father had learned it from his mother and so landscaping traditions have been passed down throughout our family history.
    But, to your point: I had already treated your wife's lawn with this Brazilian style. Perhaps, you've been paying attention only to the backyard. I would suggest you enter from the front door and let me know what you think once you've got a good eye on my work.
    I will gladly accept payment through Paypal.
    I had forgotten to mention to list some of my longstanding clients:
    Bronze Members:
    John Merrick
    Lord Voldemort
    Silver Members:
    Platinum Members:
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  13. Blight Reporter added a post in a topic Grass Mowing   

    LAST CALL of the Season to all housewives:
    I will be coming around today to mow lawns if you need yours mowed. I'm also feeling nice today so if your lawn needs groomed I can do that as well while I'm mowing it.
    Just hang a red scarf on your front door knob.
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  14. Blight Reporter added a post in a topic Why is the Greenhills library branch closed?   

    I bet you a box of Twinkies it ain't coming back for exactly one of the reasons you've stated. After the repairs have been completed the owner of the shopping center will claim that the space is now worth more because of the renovation and want more $$$.
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  15. Blight Reporter added a post in a topic Tenants Leaving Shopping Center   

    That wasn't very nice.
    Phro, you are hilarious.
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