Blighty's Daily Post of Thoughts

297 posts in this topic

Posted · Report post

There are many days I sit and reflect about what my role in my inner self is. Those days of reflection have been a great way for me, personally, to reflect on how the most important people in my life mean to me.

I've decided that a majority of these people (the people who have been the closest to me) are merely losers, mental molesters, and degenerates.

From this day forward I will no longer patronize these businesses; McD's, Hardees, Benihana, Thriftway, King Kwik, Daily Donuts, and Gold Circle.

I think daily reflection is necessary for all of us to do in this crazy world.

Have a wonderful reflecting day - santi.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

Blighty...

Stand in front of a full length mirror and spin clockwise 1 min... stop !

Now drink 1 - 16 oz. warm Tab cola , and eat 1 mentos

Now spin counter clockwise 1 min... stop !

Please reflect on this ...

just a thought .

wink.gifohmy.gif

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

Phro I did this but I substituted a Pepsi Free in place of the Tab. I will no longer take any more of your suggestions.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

It has come to my attention that there are people in the quaint little town of Greenhills that have become disgruntled with solicitors in the area.

Dealing with solicitors can be tricky. When approached by an unwanted solicitor you don't want to be overzealous by slamming the door on their face, using obscenities, or appear to be hostile. So, I have come up with a list of things you can say to solicitors to quickly get rid of them.

***Remember to always look through your peephole or through the window of your door or adjacent window before answering the door. This is important to set up your strike.

Young kids selling magazines:

Answer the door and stare blindly over their heads. When they begin their talk, just tell them you're blind and they are being cruel and insensitive. This will send them away quickly.

Jehovah's witnesses:

Answer the door in your underwear holding a candle burning from both ends.

Girls Scouts selling cookies with their mothers:

Answer the door with one hand rubbing your bellybutton and the other holding your phone to your ear as if you are having a conversation and say, "Yes, I would love to purchase that van without any windows. No, I understand it costs more to order one without, but it's imperative I get one with no side or rear windows. Also, I need all the emblems removed. (To the child) Can I help you?"

People selling candy bars:

"I am diabetic. But, more importantly, I don't believe that you are selling these candy bars to stay away from drugs and gang activity. If that were the case then you should fill out an application at McDonald's and at least get vested in a 401K program to leverage your money for your retirement. Are you stupid or something?"

Mountaintop removal greenies:

"Stay off of my property or I'll scalp the top of your head." That might be a little aggressive, but they'll get the point. And, you might want to chuck some birdseed at them while they exit your property. I always carry a little bit in my pocket for good measure.

Foundation jacking guys:

"Sure I have cracks in my foundation. But, my doctor tells me it's normal for pooping." Then twitch your head three or four times, take your shirt off and run down the street screaming, "Peel my onion to get through the single layer!"

FOP collectors:

"No. Now get off my lawn before I call the police."

Political campaigners:

"Do you have about 3 hours of time right now to discuss everything I want to discuss about the political system? If not, please stop wasting my time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

re: Blightly's Sept 18 post....

Bravo Blightly bravo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

I just wanted to put out a public bulletin that the person who decided to keep their kids' bicycles on the sidewalk around Burley Circle owes me two 15" rims.

Why? I'll tell you why! mad.gif

As I was approaching the bend near Briarwood at about 95 mph (as I usually do several times a year after tuning up my GLC) I fish-tailed in my usual manner. But, this time some stupid kids kept their bikes on the sidewalk and after hitting them across the mid frame with both front and rear tires my rims took a beating. Part of my exhaust was ripped off as well. I'm not worried about my exhaust because it just so happens that my car sounds even more bad-ass now.

The cost of the rims are about $150/piece. I'll be logging onto www.HamiltonCountyAuditor.org, contacting my attorney, and then sending out letters to all addresses connected to the building in question. I will receive compensation for your lack of tidiness.

Cruising through your quaint little village can be oh so much fun. Just clean up after yourselves!

Lastly, isn't that pig butt place going to open up? And, what's up with the bowling alley?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

From Wikipedia:

The Dukes of Hazzard is an American television series that aired on the CBS television network from January 26, 1979 to February 8, 1985. The series was inspired by the 1975 film Moonrunners, which was also created by Gy Waldron and had many identical or similar character names and concepts. The show basically kicks ass and was enjoyed by most kids that had a friggin' clue. a majority of kids that did not watch this show have been found to be mentally warped and delusional. Mothers were known to strip down naked in front of the television whenever Bo or Luke Duke began driving in their famously known Charger, General Lee.

To that end, even Johnny Cash was intelligent enough to sing a song about the General Lee. It was written in one day by a seven year old deaf, mute child, Stevey Watkins in Fargo, ND. After writing the song Stevey reportedly began to hear. Months later, after Stevey heard Johnny Cash singing it, Stevey yelled out for the first time in his life: "Yeah, you got that right! GO, Lee!"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

Was Cash talking the General Lee or generally? I was a fan of the Dukes of Hazzard but I never experienced the phenomena that you mentioned when mothers saw Bo and Luke Duke. I was too busy staring at Daisy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

Today in History

May 20

325 The Ecumenical council is inaugurated by Emperor Constantine in Nicea.

1303 A peace treaty is signed between England and France.

1347 Cola di Rienzo takes the title of tribune in Rome.

1520 Hernando Cortes defeats Spanish troops sent against him in Mexico.

1690 England passes the Act of Grace, forgiving followers of James II.

1674 John Sobieski becomes Poland's first king.

1774 Parliament passes the Coercive Acts to punish the colonists for their increasingly anti-British behavior. The acts close the port of Boston.

1775 North Carolina becomes the first colony to declare its independence.

1784 The Peace of Versailles ends a war between France, England, and Holland.

1799 Napoleon Bonaparte orders a withdrawal from his siege of St. Jean d'Acre in Egypt.

1859 A force of Austrians collide with Piedmontese cavalry at the village of Montebello, in northern Italy.

1861 North Carolina becomes the last state to secede from the Union.

1862 President Lincoln signs the Homestead Act, providing 250 million acres of free land to settlers in the West.

1874 Levi Strauss begins marketing blue jeans with copper rivets.

1902 The U.S. military occupation of Cuba ends.

1927 Charles Lindbergh takes off from New York for Paris.

1930 The first airplane is catapulted from a dirigible.

1932 Amelia Earhart lands near Londonderry, Ireland, to become the first woman fly solo across the Atlantic.

1939 Pan American Airways starts the first regular passenger service across the Atlantic.

1941 Germany invades Crete by air.

1942 Japan completes the conquest of Burma.

1951 During the Korean War, U.S. Air Force Captain James Jabara becomes the first jet air ace in history.

1961 A white mob attacks civil rights activists in Montgomery, Alabama.

1969 In South Vietnam, troops of the 101st Airborne Division reach the top of Hill 937 after nine days of fighting entrenched North Vietnamese forces.

1970 100,000 people march in New York, supporting U.S. policies in Vietnam.

1982 The first, "Yo Mama" joke was spoken by Tyrone Leaves in Central Park, NY to a police officer who, during the arrest at gun point, shot himself in the foot due to laughing so hard.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

...the other night.

I was sitting in a storefront window peering outside. I noticed a lot of cars going by and wondered if they'd looked at me looking back at them.

I wondered where they were going and if where they were going was going to make an impact in their lives.

I wondered if they hadn't seen me if the impact of where they were going would have had made their trip to where they were going any different.

Did I remind them of anything? Did my impact change a preconceived notion of what the person's expectation was?

How many times a day do you wonder if the things you do just walking around the streets or sitting at a park bench impacts another person's life in some way.

Have you ever driven around a park and seen an elderly person alone on a park bench? Was this person thinking about their loved one who may have passed away years ago and this was the spot where they used to sit and talk? Perhaps, it was a place where he used to sit with his young children after taking a walk in the woods. And they used to play hangman on the picnic table.

Have you ever seen an elderly woman walking down the street with a plastic bag with just a little bit of food that was purchased at the local food mart? Had she ever been married? How long has she been alone? Was there another person waiting for her at her home? Maybe there was a little dog standing with its nose pressed firmly into the rug just in front of the door waiting for its master. The little bits of her food with suffice as a small snack before the big payoff later that night.

What does a small child think when they see an elderly homeless person? What if you sent that small child to greet that homeless person without the homeless person knowing that you are around? Would the homeless person feel a new energy because of the youth "brought to him above". Would the thought occur to him that the energy and inquisitive nature provided by the child could be enough to lighten even his/her unfortunate situation two days into the future.

What happened to that person to create his situation? Is this person a lost soul? Does this person have real value? Is there an impact this person could have to you if only you engage with conversation or is the notion of you talking with this person come with strings attached?

People are strange some times. I noticed how people took a drag off their cigarettes. How much does one person have to spit? Is it necessary to yell up to an apartment building where a window is shut? Shut the hell up! Cars throwing out smokey exhaust, delivery trucks being loud, and the amount of garbage on the ground is distracting even to the cockroaches trying to get around.

All of these things I wondered while staring blankly out that window. Maybe, just maybe, even Blighty has a moment of solitary reflection and wonders what if I didn't exist tomorrow. What impact would that make? Would that elderly person on the park bench's thoughts be captured by someone else? Would that change that elderly woman walking with her little bag of food? Would the homeless person realize there might be some smiling out there that hasn't been captured?

I walked home exhausted and a bit confused as to what it meant.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

I wanted to give an update on a close friend of mine who has suffered a major set back.

Some of you know that I share a close friendship with, Saunie.

Last night, we were hanging out at the Old Timber Inn located on Spring Grove Ave. We had been drinking a couple of pitchers of beer when this striking young fellow walked in to the place.

Saunie, immediately made eye contact with him. As her eyes deepened into a long-engaged stare the gentlemen turned around and looked at her. It was on!

The man came over and introduced himself to her. His name was Darren. He had been a machinist for several years after receiving his diploma from DeVry Institute. He had a background in diesel mechanics. This had sparked interest in Saunie because of her interest in the technology of glowplugs (reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glowplug).

I began to get a little worried about this situation because Saunie's reputation of clinging on to John's is well-known. I tried and tried to get her out of this conversation by telling her to follow me outside so I can get assistance lighting my E-cigarette. My constant disruptions of their conversation went unnoticed.

After several pitchers of beer, a couple of Irish car bombs, and two Jager Bombs, they left the bar together.

I received a phone call this morning from her. She stated she had been left under the overpass along Mitchell Ave. She stated the guy didn't even know what glowplugs were and that he drove a standard transmission unleaded car.

She is very distraught. Please keep Saunie in your prayers.

So, ladies, if you ever find yourself down at the Old Timber Inn be aware that a man named Darren is NOT well versed in diesel mechanics.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

Lithium.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

I don't mind the "fairy" pic, but anytime "gay" is used as an insult, it really offends me. And I think we'll have to fight over the term "Queen of the Fag Hags." wink.gif

Just take a chill pill.

You're hot as heck, Preachan!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

Let's eat Grandma!

Let's eat, Grandma!

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Commas saves lives.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

Only three things that really matter happened today:

Music; Rhapsody In Blue, by George Gershwin, performed for first time, 1924

Awesome writer/composer

Old WestLorne Greene is born, 1915

Baddest Mo-fo in the East, West, and South of the Pecos

Presidential Abraham Lincoln is born, 1809

Just a really rad dude with some great intentions.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

Yesterday an incredible thing happened. And, it had nothing to do with the fact that RacerX finally got enough So Fro Fabric points to buy his favorite velour fabric for his cotton picker bikeimages?q=tbn:ANd9GcSFNps1FfmlFtV7K-YhoTN.

The real issue is this: Not one single person on this site had the guts to bring up the most tragic incident probably in my lifetime. The wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald happened 50 years ago yesterday. Not ONE mention! The song was compelling as it told the story of this frightful day. It is truly unbelievable that on a day when we should be remembering the 29 that we would be in line at a Starbucks ordering a caramel latte

Starbucks_Caramel_Flan_Latte.jpg

But, the world moves on I guess with or without the remembrance of this tragic incident. I also wanted to take this time to express my displeasure with D HUE's powerful delivery of Barbara Charline Jordan's "Statement on the Articles of Impeachment" done in haiku format. It was a real display of debauchery.   

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

Thursday will mark the 14th year that I take my bad-ass GLC around the "Burley Circle Cycle". Residents of this quadrant of Greenhills have now been duly notified. To make my enjoyment level increase I am now including the following streets to my circuit; Drummond, Moore's Way, a small portion of Dewitt, Damon, and Cromwell. My warm-up laps will commence when I'm damn well ready. it shouldn't take me more than an hour to complete. But, if either more time is needed or more laps are required than that I will take.

 

Residents not wanting to get the smell of STP and high octane fuel on them need to stay clear of the public streets listed above. Those who want to look on in absolute amazement should be ready for serious horsepower and whoop-ass that only (Insert Greek or Norse God here) possesses. Cans of "Blighty's Whoop-Ass" can be purchased from Pioneer Automotive for a mere $89.95. You must possess a "can-do" attitude and the ability of your car to handle multiple horse-gasms to purchase. Get your can while supplies last.

 

As always, the Council members of Greenhills will be in attendance recording burnout distances, repairing bark on the oak trees that get in my way, and keeping the meek and meager indoors. As is the case every year one person is specially chosen by ME to ride shotgun. Since not one single Green-hillbilly is capable of undergoing the stresses and G-forces produced by my bad-ass vehicle I've decided that a blow-up doll would suffice. I'm sure her facial expression will be wide open throughout the duration of the ride. The Nutt-Meister will be on-hand selling cigarettes. D-Hue will be on "Hell's Corner" (Corner of Cromwell and Damon) with his sweet-ass guitar strumming something that will surely keep your toes tapping. If I had my guess it will be something from the Joan Biaz or Pete Seeger collection. Tip early and often.

 

All of the monies derived from this awesome display of bad-ass horsepower and your absolute enjoyment of myself will be donated to the "Save the Mechanic Foundation". This foundation was created to celebrate the life of Mechanic. Mechanic was instrumental in so many lives of bad-ass horsepower driven individuals that the number cannot truly be calculated. If you never knew Mechanic two things would certainly be true; 1) You missed out, & 2) You are more than likely a loser.

 

Lastly, and let me reiterate this; ALL residents are to clean up their front yards and sidewalks. About two years ago I suffered the loss of two rims due to kids and their parents not cleaning up bicycles. This untidiness by residents will no longer be tolerated. If I even see ONE piece of debris on my warm-up lap around these streets I attend to make my course, you will have said debris thrown through the front window of your place of residence. The police have my back on this as they recognize my importance to do my yearly race - dubbed the "Burley Circle Cycle".

 

Any questions? I didn't think so. Act appropriately or be dismissed. Be submissive or be denied.

 

You're Welcome!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited) · Report post

I just had lunch with Edge today. If you've never had the pleasure of dining with this Beast then let me break it down for you.

He doesn't use silverware. His hoof-like hands double as a spoon and fork.

He doesn't use napkins - just the sleeves of other people sitting around him.

He complains when he spills things on him. He doesn't wear a shirt or a bib.

The teddy bear he brought with him is named Clarence. Apparently, Clarence, likes soup. Clarence doesn't know how to swallow. Nor does Clarence have a mouth that opens.

Clarence's face is mostly covered in Tomato Soup with a hint of Minestrone.

He likes to eat with his mouth open. Edge's tongue only moves towards the front and back of his mouth. Not side to side. Nor round and round.

His plate fills up by half with the food that he just put in his mouth (See above).

He always carry's a picture of his hamster. His hamster's name is Clarence II.

Clarence II's picture has soup stains on it.

He remembers being a child living in the Northern Woods of Quebec. Edge is allergic to pine trees and the claws of Brown Bears.

His favorite food is soup. Edge's tongue only moves towards the front and back of his mouth. Not side to side. Nor round and round.

He knew how to drive at one time. His mother was mysteriously ran over by a car.

He and his father rode bikes together when he grew up. His father no longer rides bikes. His father was killed while riding a tandem bicycle in a Brown Bear exhibit.

He survived a Brown Bear attack at age 10.

I learned to stay away from Edge while he was eating. Edge's tongue only moves towards the front and back of his mouth. Not side to side. Nor round and round.

 

Edited by Blight Reporter

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

Where's my Herald?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted · Report post

I just got off the boat at the pay lake behind McD's Pub. What a view!

I noticed something out of the corner of my eye after pulling the inboard motor off my canoe. Paula and Crow were hanging out under an umbrella relaxing. They were a very large Long Island Iced Tea. It even had one of those paper umbrellas in it! I had no idea McD's had such a thing.

Once I had placed my motor in the back of my 1973 Gremlin hatchback I walked over to the ladies. Well, it really wasn't a walk - more like my everyday strut that turns the ladies into mush. They had it coming. totally dissed I was by the ladies that they chose their Belair cigarettes and Mott the Hoople Pandora Station over me I wandered into the Pub for a cold Hamns.

They have COMPLETELY renovated the place. Now, I hadn't been there in several weeks, but the work they did was pretty amazing! No more bubble gum under the tables. No more elbow stains on the edge of the bar. They added a brass leg bar across the bottom of the bar. The bartender, whom I didn't recognize until she turned and bent over to get me my cold Hamns, was more dressed up than usual.

I said, "What in the #$%@ is going with this place!"

She replied, "We've revamped the place to get more of the middle class Northbrook residents to start coming in."

Just then, two hipsters came in. I couldn't believe my eyes. One of the gentleman was wearing a vintage Tupac shirt and a fitted cap that just didn't seem to fit right on his head because it was rotated and did not fit snuggly on top of his head. He must have just bought the hat because it still the sticker on the brim and the tag "of authenticity" still attached. The other gentlemen must have been a landscaper or something because he had a horticulture shirt on - it displayed some type of leaf on it. He smelled a bit weird when he walked by me. He must have just came from work. Who knows.

They both ordered a shot of Hennessey and a Stella Artois. Very nice choices - I toast you!

Talking to the bartender, often referred to by other regulars as "Serta", I asked, "Well, it looks like the renovation worked." Just then a noise came over the bar. It was loud poetry. The singer must have had a bad experience with the police and decided to write a poem about it. The singer must have also had multiple run-ins with his multitude of simultaneous relationships that his wife knew nothing about. The singer must like Mercedes and champagne as well. Rivoting music.

The two gentlemen drank their drinks very quickly and headed out. t must have been because they were going to visit a loved one and stopped in to discuss business. McD's is known for people getting together during the day and talk business.

I told Serta I had caught no fish on the lake in the morning. She didn't seem to care as she walked away pointing to the ceiling with one of her fingers. Maybe I really was number one in her book.

The ladies came in after about 30 minutes and enjoyed another Long Island Iced Tea. OF course, Crow waits for no one. She just went behind the bar and helped herself. McD's is a crazy place like that.

Well, my story ends on a positive note as I am glad to tell you that after leaving the bar and heading out to my car to go home a Colerain township Police officer had apparently not let those two gentlemen leave the premise. One gentlemen was face down on the hood of the cruiser and the other was laying face down on the ground. Both were probably innocent of any wrongdoing as one of them told the officer politely that (whatever was the on the hood of the police car) it didn't belong to him. As the other gentlemen laid flat on the ground an officer was helping him up and telling him that he was going back to HQ. I thought HQ went out of business nearly two decades ago. What do I know?

When I drove away from McD's I pondered back on the years I had been a client of theirs. I became fixated on all the memories that came to the surface of my recollection. The wind coming through the windows. The sun is sharp right now as clouds roll by. I always thought that life could make people smile in ways that keep their own existence free of personal attacks, mean-spirited political debates, and religious confrontations. I turned past Joey's Bar and the last thing that ran through my head before I took a bite out of my bologna sandwich was, "I wonder if Crow and Paula are going to have sex later today after they get intoxicated with those Long Island Iced Teas." Life is Good.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now